when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
