even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
