pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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