I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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