Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
