You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
