Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
