Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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