is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
