If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
