Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
