He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Where is the hickey?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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