Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
