I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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