Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This house was built for laser tag.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
