im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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