My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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