she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
