Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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