Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
