When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize