My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
