Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
