She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
