Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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