Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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