You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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