i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
