so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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