She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
