So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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