Jerry, you need to find god
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
