Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
