I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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