He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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