maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
