i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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