just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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