You're so nebulous sometimes
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
