What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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