first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize