Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
