She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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