I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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