Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have tasted many bathrooms
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
