Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
