Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
