why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
