it was like his penis was on wheels.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
