I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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