My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
