She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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