I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
