no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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