Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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