No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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