He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize