My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How does one acquire holy water?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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