Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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