You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize