So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
