I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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