i wish my penis had a tongue
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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