The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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