Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
