All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
