Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
