well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
