What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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