Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
