can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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