so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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