i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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