Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
