she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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