she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
