So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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