he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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