Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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