I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
