I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize