Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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