I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
